.a.s.h.t.r.a.y...g.i.r.l. (_ashford) wrote in poetrynshit,
.a.s.h.t.r.a.y...g.i.r.l.
_ashford
poetrynshit

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Sorry alot of my shit is really random...

12.10.03
(random thoughts)
Fading out Memories come
Fact or Fiction? I am N U M B

I see your face, follow it
Darker you run, Lighter i feel
My muscles tense, vision blurred,
Hell Is Raised

But now you're here.
Stay with me, lay with me
Hold me tight
As if Hell will NEVER come again,
And you'll never let me go
DON'T LET ME FUCK UP.
___________________________________
10.4.2003
(not titled)
So Sadistic and bloodthirsty
Want to rip your flesh
Scent, Taste, and Sight to call me
I want your blood
That animal instinct take over
Watching the drip
And knowing i gave you that...
Pain? Excitement? Poison? Pleasure???
It's my pleasure. Tainted Pleasure
Tainted Lust. Tainted Love?
_____________________________________
11.28.2003
(spew )




feel

like
my
world


is
spinning
so fast

I'm

going
to
puke,
although

i know
this is just

a
day dream
and i will snap out

i feel the nausea

rise
to my throat
and a drop

of blood
drips from my ear....

almost.



I

feel
so peaceful
and

i hate
it
because

i'm so confused.


Peace should not

over-come
someone
while they're confused
about

a boy
and

important things
like love...


do you believe in love?
__________________________________________
10/27/03
(no title yet)
Beautiful as you are, and they all envy you
(and they all want what i have)
For your beauty, your set-back eyes, tall hair, and soft lips
(and they only kiss mine)
Your mysterious 'soul'
(if that's what you call it)
Those parts of you no one knows,
And no one ever wil... Not eve yourself.
And they all hate me
Because they can't hate you,
Because they wont hate you,
And i ignore the whores
Who plot my GLOURIOUS death...
Giving me what i want,
And only further pushing you away...
In which you loathe "me" for..
(are you sure it's not you that you loathe?)
But i don't mind cause it all seems to fade
When you wrap me up in your arms.
Just keep me here.
Wrapped up in you
Like a neat little package under a tree.
__________________________________________
11.25.2003
(Broken)
Paranoia taking over my mind,
Horrid thoughts of distrust,
A depression sweeps over my soul

Not able to deal with humankind,
Not able to deal with my thoughts,
Not able to deal with my mind,
Not able to deal with.... you

What do you do?
When you don't like being around your friends
And lately no one at all...
But you can't live without people

I feed off you. Him too,
Don't worry I just depend on you
To tell me how I feel today,
To tell me how to look
To tell me all my faults
And to tell me how to change.
I am your mold, Your servant
I will do anything... to please you.

I have no needs of my own..
I have no reason to admit to them
Would it really matter?
Do i really matter?
Should i feel as if i do?
When no one listen's to you
When you have a story to tell
And no one cares enough
To take time from their problems
To hear yours
Though you'd drop everything
When they need someone to listen?

Am i too submissive,
Am i too dependant,
Do i fall to your commands too often?
Sure you like the power,
But is it right?
Do you know how this feels?
Do you care?
Is anybody out there?
So many questions
Never any answers...

So i am eternally lost,
In my own struggle
Alone for all time.
With a few visitors along the way...
__________________________________________
10.29.2003
(autum fog)
Lost in this world.
I look down at the feet
That I don't recognize
As my own.

The breeze is cold on my fingertips
And I don't notice the leaves,
Falling to my feet.
I make it sound as if they worship me...

I wonder 'why wont the rain come?'
Though i watched the giant dark cloud
Form above my roof
And slide nearer to the mountian.

Yet the water wont come.
No relief for me this time.
Only aches and pains,
Down to the bone...
__________________________________________________
(Somedays)
10.31.2003
Somedays all i want to do is hold you in my arms,
and watch you shed your tears.
Somedays all i want to do is kiss you from head to toe,
and watch you , watch me , love you.
Somedays all i want to do is lay in the comfort
and warmth of your arms from dusk to dawn,
and then from dawn to dusk.
Somedays all i want to do is watch you smother me,
with your lips and hands.
Somedays all i care about is feeling your breath
on the back of my neck.
Somedays all i have to live for are those sweet words
that you whisper into my ears.
And somedays all i want to do is tell you all the things you do to me, and exactly how i feel for you.
But i know i wont, I'm much too shy.

You Dont Know What I'd Do If I Ever Lost You, I Would Be Shattered. (i would be nothing...)
______________________________________________
Jodis
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